I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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