Pappa wants mamma naked
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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