I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
