You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
