I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
