You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
