I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
