Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
