before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
