That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He shit in the fireplace
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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