I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
