I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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