You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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