Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
