Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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