Sry I called you an 8
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
