She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
