You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
