sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
