You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
