You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
