You really coming over, don't trick.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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