The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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