dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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