I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
