And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
