You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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