marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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