think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
