his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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