I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
