I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
