I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
