In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
