malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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