I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
