Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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