I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
