Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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