I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
