If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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