Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
