When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
