i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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