omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
