Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
