youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
