"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
