I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
