to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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