I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do herpes really smell.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
