I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
