Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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