we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
