Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
