i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
