FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
