this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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