didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
