Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
