I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
