I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
