i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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