i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were trust falling into bushes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
