I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
