Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
